Corporate-speak What they say-v-what they mean
They say…	Translation
A good year	(Although our share price has gone down due to massive losses) there was an increase in Directors’ and CEO’s remuneration
Cooperation with government - 1	Tax breaks
Cooperation with government - 2	Taxpayer-funded bailout
Cooperation with government - 3	Taxpayer-funded guarantees
Cooperation with government - 4	Taxpayer-funded subsidies
Cooperation with government	Hopefully all of the 1 – 4 above without giving a ‘retired’ MP a seat on our board
Corporate responsibility	We don’t understand this, but our PR flacks say it is a phrase to be inserted into press releases
Equity	We don’t understand this, but our PR flacks say it is a word to be inserted into press releases
Ethics	We don’t understand this, but our PR flacks say it is a word to be inserted into press releases
Hands-on involvement	Mismanagement (well! Keating got away with it – we could too!)
Fully guaranteed	Except for that tiny little bit tucked away on page 297
Future-proofing	Plant closures and redundancies
Green policy initiatives	Price increase
Guests	Customers
Investors brace for a fall	Expect a corresponding increase in Directors’ and CEO’s remuneration
Long term	Between now and the next dividend declaration
Ordinary shareholders have a right to…	The fund managers are demanding…
Mum and dad shareholders	We don’t understand this, but our PR flacks say it is a phrase to be inserted into press releases
Normal corporate expenses	Lurks and perks
Planning for the future	Setting up an increase in Directors’ and CEO’s remuneration
Rationalisation - 1	An increase in Directors’ and CEO’s remuneration
Rationalisation - 2	Plant closures and redundancies
Rubbery numbers	fiddled
Market research tells us…	The fund managers are demanding
Structural change	A new logo
Fresh approach to client relations	A new logo